Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
