i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
