this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
