Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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