she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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