when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
