all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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