I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
