What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
