no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
