I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
