Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
