I can tuck mytits in my pants
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
