im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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