Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
