Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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