I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
