You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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