if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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