member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
