I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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