I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
