so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
