come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
