i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Can I color on your dick again?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
