Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
