i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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