I'm sorry my penis didn't work
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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