I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
