Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize