You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
