Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she peed on how many people?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
