she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
