help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
