I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
