I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
