note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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