If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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