So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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