I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
