Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
