so that wasnt chicken after all
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
