My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
