i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
