im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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