woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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