So drunk its hurt
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
