that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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