You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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