im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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