It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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