So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
