I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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